Vampire or Human?

Once a Human, then turned Vampire I became powerful.

I'm having this internal struggle with myself. A long time ago I thought I knew who I was. I was dead set in a specific way of life and I loved it. However, that was a very dark time in my life. A time in my life where, not only could I not see the light, I literally spent all of my time out of it.

Back then, I was a vampire (in a metaphorical sense of course). I slept most of my days or very short hours and spent my nights awake and staring at the stars outside of my window. Often I would contemplate what it would be like to be a fictional character in a book like 'Infinite Days' by Rebecca Maizel. I enjoyed the taste of blood and was excited at the thought of a pair of teeth over my jugular. Although, a lot of this remained true even now. But, I feel like I have lost certain aspects of this. I've slowly gone from being a creature of the night, to being a creature of daytime and sunlight.

I've become what I fear the most. An average ordinary everyday girl. My skin once pale, a colour I had slaved over for months to obtain, is gone. Now? Now instead I am tanned, the colour of caramel. I don't even dress the same anymore. This is possibly one of the things I miss the absolute most. I miss my corsets, my heels and my netted stockings. I miss the moon and the dark crisp night air. My human me is nothing compare to the dark queen that once reigned within.

I am nothing.
Once Vampire, now, nothing more then a defenseless Human.

Darkness

What is it to be dark?
Is it the way you dress, the words you use, the company you keep?
Darkness, like light, is in the eye of the beholder.
What is it that keeps people coming back to this?
The side of life like the other side of the moon, never seen by others.
In reality it doesn't matter what we think darkness is.
Darkness is what you make it.

The little things

Can you remember all the little things? I can. We go through life ignoring the little things, the smallest of memories so I'm here to remind you of a few. I know you could do with this right now.

Can you remember when we first met? I spent almost four days ignoring you and somewhere on the third day music brought us together. After that came the first visit to my house. I remember you were still into all your crap back then. My gosh how you have changed. That first day you made yourself at home. We spoke for hours. As I shared my secrets the sun disappeared under the horizon and the moon gave rise to the night. We didn't even bother switching the lights on.

Time went on and we danced into and out of our friendship, fighting back and forward. I don't seem so weak now, do I? I remember times when you used to warn me that being your friend was a bad idea but, look who is here for you in the end? Even after all the crap we went through.

You were there for me my first break up and have been there every break up since. Keeping me on solid ground and out of the sky. You understand my process when things like this happen. You know that I will tidy every bit of my bedroom unless I'm stopped. I remember My first break-up when you got to my house I was emotionless, quiet and robotic in my process. You watched me unpack my entire cupboard, unfold and re-fold all my clothes. Eventually you grabbed my wrists pulled me into a hug and just let me cry. I would have been somewhat lost without you.

Then last year you gave me Valentine's Day (so far the best one I've ever had). I remember you bought my sister the cutest bracelet (which she still loves) because it was her party. With the little kids inside we ventured outside and sat dangerously on the railing of my deck and spoke for hours. You were wearing one of your dad's stripped shirts and black pants. Your hair, messy, as always. I have always loved having someone to continuously talk to. I can talk to you for hours and not get bored. It's refreshing.

Can you still remember our walks to the park at the bottom of the road. How about the rude, arrogant and self-centered British guy who confronted us there? There are so many things I could remind you about my friend, like the mosquitoes that attacked my feet while we were on the bridge near the park. You spent that entire week at my place (going home at night to sleep). Somewhere near the end of that week I made dinner for you and my family. Roast pork and vegetables.

You were even there on my 18th, on the 22nd Dec 2009. You came over just to share a drink with me after work.

Anyway, those are just a few of the little things I thought I'd remind you of to get a smile on that face...

Luv ya and thanks for always being there...

Xx