Love and Logic

If love is a choice,
then I'm it's victim.
If love is unconditional,
then how is there this condition of choice?

Love does not proceed logic,
nor is it in anyway influenced by meaninglessness.
So then how is it that,
this, what we have is your choice?

This space we occupy together is so bright.
It's a love we share with the world.
So how? How is it that you still don't know.
Why have the reasons of your love eluded you.

Therefore, in the end,
I find myself asking only one question.
Is this true?
Or is my mind hiding the pain I so deeply want to feel?

Happy

Nothing but happiness to go around today...

I don't remember

"Heart heavy, I close my eyes.
I close my eyes to try and figure out why I feel like I do.
Never happy lately, never smiling.
I try to remember things about you,about us.
I can't seem to recall anything of late.
Only the little past.
I'm trying to remember the last time you kissed me,
Kissed me as if the sun would not rise tomorrow and the world would end.
But I can't remember...
A time that you ran your fingers through my hair without thinking why.
But I can't remember...
A time I said something and you didn't try to make me look at it from a different point of view.
But I can't remember...
A time when you made me smile all the time, made me fell like the sun wouldn't set.
But... But...
But I can't remember...
I can't even remember a time I didn't feel lost, a time that you would help me find my way.
But I can't remember...”

Our love

Endless hills of clarity roll before.
I wake up next to you and my heart skips a beat.
I'm glad that you're here.

How much I love you is indescribable,
like the oceans vast hidden history.
Unknown.

I hold you to me and the world disappears,
because for that moment we are the only two people in the world.
I love you.

Words cannot explain how I feel...
We were truly meant to be...

An old friend

I can feel your tendrils darkness,
looming ever closer to your goal.
MY heart.

I can feel your ice cold hands,
wrapping, squeezing, clenching,
my soul and constricting my being.

I feel like I'm a million miles away,
as you let yourself in again,
why? why? why?

Familiar friend begone,
no one has summoned your return.
Disappear and leave me to peace.

Darkness encompassing me,
I see no light,
I want you here...

...BUT you're gone...

Sadness filling my veins,
replacing blood,
tears red and salty.

Why?
Why me?
Leave!

Millennium of Truths

If I had to write stories about why I love you,
it would take me an eternity.
If I had to sing you a thousand songs to prove my worth,
I’d sing sweet melodies forever.
My love for you is something undisputed,
remaing so for ages to come.
Simplicity in complexity is what has turned us into what we have become,
overcoming personal battles,
helping each other in ways that are unfathomed by others our own age.
Questioning,
leading to an endless circle of boundless communicative links between my tongue and yours.
Our bodies speaking their own language.
A language that not even our minds can understand.
You ensnare me.
My soul wrapping around this unseen fixture,
bringing thoughts that once lay dormant to life.
Beautiful creature,
upon first acknowledgement you captured my memories.
From that very first year.
It was meant to be in the time that the Father willed it.

Silence calling

What is integration worth if it leads to insanity?

Sanity or insanity?

Which would you choose?

None of what goes on is worth the insanity. Not the love, not the caring, or the people. I don’t want to be chocked forever in this cycle that never seems to break. I’m searching for balance and finding none. Some have integration others have silence and space. Space that creates an equal balance with the little integration that they do have.

Right now. In this space. I feel intoxicated. I don’t understand what is happening. I’m lost in a world that is all I know. Help me.

I leave with a song

Memories. Sweet sweet memories.
In 2007 when I left the East Rand Youth Choir, my very last rehearsal, my friends, my family, sang this song "I Leave with a Song" to me. I just found this video on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VESUmM9Pnv0 ) and wow, the tears started streaming. I miss you guys so much and truly enjoyed our years together.

The sense of family and friendship within the choir is something you never forget. Everyone is so close. It's something we take for granted when we are actually in the choir. We know it's there but never truly acknowledge that sense of being 'at home'.

I know I said this when I left but, I have to say it again. Thanks you to ALL my friends in the choir. Those two years singing with you were amazing and can never be replace. Thank you to our amazing conductor. No one can quite compare to you. To Tannie Maralie (who I understand has now left) some of us girls would have been lost without you and to Ma Erne, your piano skills are beyond belief thank you for all the time you devote to the choir we have always appreciated it whole heartedly.

I remember my final night i stood with Alicia Snyman in the middle of the circle you guys created and then with the lights down low you sang me this song. I still can't listen to it without crying and every time I do listen to it all I do is smile.

I still love you guys, always have and always will and even though i'm thousands of kilometres away I still think about our choir all the time...

Kom aan, julle moet a toer to New Zealand doen!

Lovies, drukkies
Dominique

Auckland

So I was sitting in Albert Park today waiting for a friend and (for once) wasn't listening to music.
Paying a lot of attention to the tourists taking photos at the fountain I realised that Albert Park
is beautiful place, quiet and peaceful for an inner city park. I landed up writing the following:

"Close you eyes... Deep breath... Listen... What do you hear? Smell? Welcome to the City,
WELCOME to Albert Park.

In central Auckland amongst the hustle and bustle of the city streets, you'll find it. PARADISE.
Sitting alone near the fountain, the tranquillity of the setting in my surroundings drawing me
into and unknown, hidden Euphoria. In the distance I hear people around me, but right now in
this time and space I'm consumed by myself. Nothing matters but the water splashing and the
sound of seagulls passing overhead. I'm within myself and at peace. Somehow brought back to
the place around me I notice beauty. A goddess embodied in beautiful redness. The flowers, her
body, smell ever so sweet and look edible but, BEWARE they will not be eaten..."

That is where I stopped writing...

Missed Opportunity

"When I don't go somewhere and end up seeing pictures of how fun the day was. I'm not upset because I missed out on a photo opportunity, and I'm not upset that I missed out on a fun day. I'm upset because I missed out on being part of a memory"
-Adam Kennedy

Hope

''All it takes is that little bit of hope to turn your life around.'' -anonymous

So I watched the movie 127 Hours directed by Danny Boyle and realised something.

There is a universal theme of hope that goes unnoticed in every passing day. We cling to life
in the most desperate of circumstances because of an insignificant glimmer of light that is
always present in our everyday lives. Under normal situations we don't acknowledge this 'inner
strength' but under extreme conditions we look towards this light to help us survive.

When all seems lost and death is near, look to the light to guide your way... If you believe in something,
no matter how small or insignificant, there is always a hope that can be found to carry on. An inner
strength that you never knew you were capable of feeling. Your glimmer of HOPE...

Think. Locate and Lock...
No matter how hard the position you have been put in, never lose your hope for it is the one thing that
will forever and always be present in your life...

Hypocrisy

You say things but,
do NOTHING.
You start when you don't need to.
You carry on and on about things
yet,
everything is still how it is.
We try, and you don't see it.
It's like your canvas is always blank.
If you are going to say it.
For once,
DO it...

Dislike

My dislike grows stronger and stronger towards you with every passing day.
Can't you see that you're hurting him?
Hurting me?
It's like you've lived like this so long that you can't see what you are doing.
He loves you, despite what you throw at him.
Open your eyes.
This, what you do,
is
so. un. fair...
Stop it already and let him live his life.
Live certain in the fact that he has grown to be a responsible adult.

You're hurting people you have never met.
This boy,
your son.
He is amazing.
Give it a rest and look up to what is there staring at you point blank in the face.

All I'm asking you to do is try...
Try, nothing more.
Just,
...
TRY!

Lyrics

Work in Progress

VERSE ONE:

''Oh how I miss you,
Just wanna' kiss you,
Everyday.
What my heart is feeling,
Can't keep concealing,
Each passing day.''

CHORUS:

''And,
Now I just want you near me,
Holding me closely in your warm,
Embrace again.
Just wanna' feel you lips on mine.
Da, da um abraço,
Como beijinhos bébé,
Nao fassam mal.
Meu Coraçao é teu''

Back to me

"she calls for you
her faintest whisper
i hear her call
you do too

too far away
for outstretched hand
in land afar
you cannot stay

you know this place
she wants you near
open arms await
your warm embrace

come home."

Action/Response

It's like being hit by a bus.
Realising that your time here is so fragile.
We think we have so much.
Yet, in truth?
We. have. NOTHING.
Everyday passes us by.
Days where we love,
are grateful,
care, help and communicate.
Even days we just don't care.
We forget that the time we have is borrowed.
Suddenly, one day having to leave we become paralysed.
Marking the world in ways unimaginable.
Leaving an impression.
Forever imprinted on the hearts and souls of others.

To the people who have recently left me behind in this world:
You have inspired me in so many different ways.
For that I say thank you.

Eu amo te minha tia. Sempre vou lembrar de ti.
Beijinhos, abracinhos e drom bem.

The little things

Can you remember all the little things? I can. We go through life ignoring the little things, the smallest of memories so I'm here to remind you of a few. I know you could do with this right now.

Can you remember when we first met? I spent almost four days ignoring you and somewhere on the third day music brought us together. After that came the first visit to my house. I remember you were still into all your crap back then. My gosh how you have changed. That first day you made yourself at home. We spoke for hours. As I shared my secrets the sun disappeared under the horizon and the moon gave rise to the night. We didn't even bother switching the lights on.

Time went on and we danced into and out of our friendship, fighting back and forward. I don't seem so weak now, do I? I remember times when you used to warn me that being your friend was a bad idea but, look who is here for you in the end? Even after all the crap we went through.

You were there for me my first break up and have been there every break up since. Keeping me on solid ground and out of the sky. You understand my process when things like this happen. You know that I will tidy every bit of my bedroom unless I'm stopped. I remember My first break-up when you got to my house I was emotionless, quiet and robotic in my process. You watched me unpack my entire cupboard, unfold and re-fold all my clothes. Eventually you grabbed my wrists pulled me into a hug and just let me cry. I would have been somewhat lost without you.

Then last year you gave me Valentine's Day (so far the best one I've ever had). I remember you bought my sister the cutest bracelet (which she still loves) because it was her party. With the little kids inside we ventured outside and sat dangerously on the railing of my deck and spoke for hours. You were wearing one of your dad's stripped shirts and black pants. Your hair, messy, as always. I have always loved having someone to continuously talk to. I can talk to you for hours and not get bored. It's refreshing.

Can you still remember our walks to the park at the bottom of the road. How about the rude, arrogant and self-centered British guy who confronted us there? There are so many things I could remind you about my friend, like the mosquitoes that attacked my feet while we were on the bridge near the park. You spent that entire week at my place (going home at night to sleep). Somewhere near the end of that week I made dinner for you and my family. Roast pork and vegetables.

You were even there on my 18th, on the 22nd Dec 2009. You came over just to share a drink with me after work.

Anyway, those are just a few of the little things I thought I'd remind you of to get a smile on that face...

Luv ya and thanks for always being there...
Xx

Confusion

Something in the darkness of my mind reflects light yet there are no shadows.
A way in which, in light, darkness can not be overcome.
Shadows within my heart are aroused by the lack of shadowss crowding my thoughts and the sensations I feel strengthen because nothing exists in an everlasting quantity.
I live in a world where cerntainty and uncertainty colide, giving rise to problems we all face but choose to ignore.
There has always been uncertainty surrounding Euphoria yet, the most certain thing in the world (war), is what's preventing Euphoria from becoming a certainty.
The struggle between good and bad, light versus dark within the world is everpresent but, somehow they are cosmically balanced.
The fading sun gives way to the dark of night. The dawning day flooding the shadow children of the moon.
Balancing the world. We work in harmony.
By creating an equilibrium between everything around us we create nothing.
Some will say that nothing is just that. Empty space that is availabe to eventually be occupied.
I say nothings is fact.
It exists beacuse if it didn't nothing, would infact be truth.

One of those days

Have you ever had 'One of Those Days' where your day starts out perfect and then somewhat goes for a ball of poop?
Well, I'm having "one of those days". It's horrible how everything in the world has to evolve around good and bad, every action having an opposite reaction and consequence. In plain language, life sucks, no matter which way you turn.

Ok. Enough negativity! The world works in a circle. We live our lives in a circle. The Circle of life as it is so perfectly put in The Lion King. We wake up and go to sleep everyday as the sun and the moon pass us by but, we never seem to appreciate those moments in our lives where life seems to stand still. I experienced a few of them this morning, did you?

I woke up this morning with the intention of going downstairs and drinking a coffee just like every other morning but, then I decided to go back up stairs (forgeting about my cuppaccino, ew cold coffee) and went on Facebook chat on Android (which I wasn't going to do because it cost me heaps). I diverged from my circular path and because I did that, time stood still for hours while I chatted with one of the most amazing people in my life right now. The small sacrifice of not going about my day as usual for a perfect morning greating and a loving conversation (the small things). Hours passed and I never realised because of how beautiful thoses moments were. Small and insignificant but, the part of my day that i will remember for ages to come. Btw thank you my special person :) Love you <3

Now it is evening and shortly I will be heading off to bed soon, back on the path of my ever diverging circle that rotates itself around the universe and beyond. So why don't you take a leap of faith and just for one day diverge from your circle and make it a square and appreciate those moments in life where time stands still :)

Xx