V and W

It had been so long since they had last crossed paths. Forbidden lovers. Hunting each other like livestock. Trying to stay away from the torture that had engulfed them once but, falling into the trap once again set before them. Tumbling into each other once more. The pale soul and the black.

She entered into the clearing unaware that he had been following her. That he had been watching her every move since she came back to their hiding place from both wolf pack and coven. Yes, the girl with her flowing black hair, pale skin, blood stained lips, sharp fangs and crimson corset had returned, into what used to be their territory and she would very well pay for it this night.

THAT MOMENT

This started as all things usually start. An attraction. A few years of seeing but never really noticing. Wanting to say something but never being able to because of other things. Sometimes that attraction decreases, other times the attraction increases and sometimes the attraction is so shy that it takes something grand and out of the ordinary for any one to admit to it. 

This all started in a moment like that. Where for years there had always been seeing, then a little noticing here and there and now something beautiful. Took a while but life has a funny way of working out and it all started with a few random moments in time. A birthday text, two out of the blue meetings and a few long conversations. 

Two people not really friends not really enemies. One reaching out to another on her way to an evening of fun and the other last minute reciprocating. On that night though, to him, it would've seemed like a pointless waste of time. For her though, she saw things that night that changed how she looked at him. You see, the complications that arise when there is another in a situation can sometimes be off putting but he never gave up. Yes he was disheartened but she saw his attraction that night. In every little glance that he thought went unnoticed. So many people to pay attention to and yet that night every time she looked up she saw him looking, caught him glancing with that look on his face. Mystery. Curiosity.   Out of every look, there was just that one that she would ponder over for days. Too afraid to ask if what she had seen was correct. That look where he locked eyes with her and she saw for a moment a caring and a fondness that she thought she would never come across again. The anger and pain that had built a wall of ice around her heart disappeared. 

A few days later a second night of an off the cuff meeting provided some deadly peaceful insight into everything that had been playing in her mind. She had all her answers she had been looking for except something was holding her back from him. It was more then the fear of getting hurt again. It was the fear of letting go of what had been in her past. As time passed and she let him in, he helped her heal. Now they go through every day, a challenge because of the distance but happy to be together.

His playful disposition and childish outlook on life lifted her spirits. 

AGES PAST

So I'm going through my laptop and I find this. Is it not amazing how when something ends we forget about it as if that period of our lives never happened?

“ I think I love,

Every single little crack on your face.

I think I love,

Even our most casual embrace.

Don’t have to try,

Cos I’ve made up my mind.

Baby, I think I love you today.

Remember that time,

You threw a can of beer at me like a stone.

You drunk too much wine,

And threw up in the taxi cab on the way home.

Looked like a mess,

But, I must confess.

Baby, I think I love you today.

When I think what we do.

If I could only say to you (yeah).

All of these things,

Well do I dare, and

Would you care?

I think I love,

Every time you honour me with a kiss.

I think I love,

Well, there where just a million things I could list.

Should let you know,

But, maybe, tomorrow.

Baby I think I love you today. ”

If ever I could find a metphor for my life, this would be it. Not my life as an individual, or part of a family, but my life with you. It is sometimes hard to find the words to adequately express how I feel about you and yet, this song embodies who we are, along with so many of our memories. When you ‘dedicated’ this song to me, I would never have thought that it would hold the significance then, that it does now. 

Right now I’m sitting in Starbucks (upstairs) waiting for you to show your brilliant face but so far, nothing. Every now and again I’ll see someone coming up the stairs, I turn to look, but every time I do, I’m disappointed, so I decided to stop and just write this. I guess I’ll see you at twelve.

Back to my story. This all started because I used PHOTO BOOTH to check my hair. I was checking that my hair was all good, when I randomly decided to flip through all the photos of us I haven’t looked at in a while. While doing this, this song came on and I nearly started crying. Not because you are not with me, but, because in those photos, I can see the happiness I was feeling in my eyes. Happiness, that, in this moment, I can’t feel at all. Those moments seem like years ago. However, I know that when you are holding me in your arms three and a half hours from now, I will regain that feeling. The feeling of unconditional love coming off your being and nourishing my soul; the love that makes all my troubles seem so small. I LOVE YOU...

IT'S TIME

2012.

What a year.

2013.

BRING IT ON.

In the span of a few months I have left my life in limbo. Joining the millions of unemployed in the world. I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. I've left university to follow a life in music. To follow my passion that I have been ignoring for way to long.

My mother introduced me to Vision College. The only Christian Music College offering a Music degree in new Zealand. I can't say that the paper work has been easy. That would be a lie. There is a lot of it and to say they are more then thorough is an understatement but, so far it has been worth it. I actually just finished the last bits of it. Completing my application by completing my final essay. Now I just have to get through auditions. Fingers mega crossed.

Now, I'm not often one to openly admit being emotional about certain things but this application has musically slapped me in the face. To put it bluntly. After having to go through and collect all my certificates together and reading through all the testimonials ever written for me, I am full of feelings of sadness. Questions. Never ending questions. They run through my head over and over.

Why did you ever quit?

Where would you be now?

What if you had not ignored this part of you?

Was it worth it?

Do you regret it?

So many questions. All of them hurt so much. I feel like I have denied myself from being me by suppressing this part of me. Hopefully though this is the start of the right path. After taking that first step into my future I don't see myself stepping back into my past again anytime soon.

This IS me.
This IS who I am.

I will NOT let it go again.