SOMETHING BUT NOTHING

Ever just wake up and feel nothing? That is how I felt yesterday. Aside from feeling sick all day and having a fever I landed up just staring into space and questioning how I actually felt in that moment. I had no answer. No matter how much I questioned I could not find an answer.

Hours later I found myself going through the motions of getting ready for dance and my mood picked up slightly. After teaching the class everything changed. With the draining of energy comes the renewed desperation to find the answer I had been searching for all day. Feeling dizzy and disorientated I would close my eyes and just rest my head until would someone would ask if I was ok and all I could say was I am just sleepy. Why? Maybe because I did not know if I was ok? I could feel myself going through the motions of falling deeper into the black hole I had been trying so hard to climb out of recently. Then it hit me. I had finally in my exhaustion figured out what I was feeling. I felt absolutely nothing. Not happiness. Not sadness. Not worry. Absolutely nothing. 

Pure emotionless nothing.

I am so tired of feeling empty and up and down.

I need some answers...